In my previous blog post I wrote about the reasons to not go to couples therapy.
If you do decide that you want to try couples therapy here are some tips:
• Do a lot of research. You need to find a therapist with whom you have the right chemistry.
• Ask for recommendations.
• Don’t be afraid to tell your therapist you don’t agree with them.
• If you find that your therapist and you are on completely different pages after a few sessions, be brave to try a new one.
• Couples tend to seek therapy when things have gotten out of control. Then they’re so desperate for help they can’t see straight. There is usually a short initial period when things get better, because of the optimism that comes with taking action. Then things go back to normal. Do not stop therapy too soon.
• Do the work together. This can take many forms; some couples like sitting together to take notes after therapy, usually they’re given homework by the therapist. In my case I was pushing my partner to go to therapy and do the exercises. It was like I had a toddler that I need to convince to go to school. Soon, I was the only one doing the exercises and using the tools the therapist suggested. If that happens make sure you share this with the therapist.
• The real work comes outside therapy. It’s taking action on the things you’ve discussed throughout the week.
Useful resources:
Esther Perel's website and her podcast